Did you marry the right person?

by **carelyn** Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:53 pm

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How
do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It
depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing
on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely
natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's
why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become
a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it
happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive
you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think
about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the
right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the
love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their
unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity [including pornography] is the
most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

However, the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies
within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;

IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the expression, "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes
WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things
you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed in your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you
know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make"
love!

by **papa_cologne** Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:56 pm

will i marry the right person??

by **super_force** Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:03 pm

I want to get marry. But with who? Surprised

introduce me someone sister:)

by **loloy** Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:07 am

Very well said sis inspire. I absolutely agree with what you've written.
You're name "inspire" really speaks in this forum because you inspires us every time you write an article.
Thank you sis. Smile

Did you marry the right person? Glitterfy223000T501D34

by **k-e-e-n** Thu Feb 14, 2008 11:33 am

Absolutely right. You can make things happen. "Falling" in love isnt really the one thing you need. "Learning" to love the person you got is all you need. Very Happy

by **unsung.h3r0** Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:02 pm

keen wrote:Absolutely right. You can make things happen. "Falling" in love isnt really the one thing you need. "Learning" to love the person you got is all you need.

i do agree with you big bro Very Happy