Joke joke joke....

Juan was having a serious problem. He had an important meeting and could
not find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take
pity on me. If You find me a parking space I will go to mass every Sunday
and give up women."

Miraculously, a parking space appeared. Juan looked up again and said,
"Never mind. I found one."
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Students talking:
DLSU: Your tuition, it is just my allowance for a week
Ateneo: Your tuition, it is just my allowance for a day.
UP: Pootek! Finals nyo, seatwork lang naming!
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Seksing girl naglalakad sa Glorietta, nakalabas ang isang suso..
Napansin ng isang lalaki. "Miss, yung dede mo nakalabas."
Seksi: "Putangina! Yung baby ko, naiwan sa taxi!"
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"Pare, nagaway kami ng GF ko."
"Bakit naman?"
"She asked for a gift, sabi nya kahit ano basta may diamond."
"Ayun naman pala e. Ano binigay mo?"
"Baraha!"
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Pasaway na lyrics: "I decided long ago? never to walk with Edu Manzano?"
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Ina: Anak! Dumudugo daliri mo! Akin na't sisipsipin ko. Dali! Tsup, tsup,
tsup! Ayan, wala na! Bakit ka ba nagkasugat?

Anak: Wala po ako sugat. Pinatay ko lang po ang mga garapata ni Brownie.
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Pedro: Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.
Miss: Sorry po. Wala po kaming ballpen.

Inis na lumabas ng tindahan si Pedro.
Pedro: Susme! PENshoppe, walang ballpen? Walang kwentang tindahan yan!
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A naked girl rode on a taxi. "Bakit," the girl asked the driver na
nakatitig sa hubad nyang katawan. "Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad at
maalindog na katawan?"

Driver: Hindi, miss. Iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago ang pamasahe mo.
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Mr. Malimali, nanliligaw.
"Fresh flowers for you, galing banyo.. este Baguio! Amuyin mo, amoy
panty?este Pine Tree!"
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A prince was cursed by a witch that he could only speak one word a year.
But if he does not, he could save the words for the next year. One day he
saw a pretty princess and fell in love. He waited for ten long years to
finally say, "Princess, I love you. I would like to marry you."

And the princess replied, "Pardon? Kindly please repeat?"
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Russian: We are the first in space!
USA: We are the first in the moon!
Philippines: We will be the first in the sun!
USA: You can't go there. You will burn.
Philippines: Of course, we know that. Do you think we're stupid? That's
why we will go
there at night!
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Guy1: Pare, gusto kong magpalit ng pangalan.
Guy2: Bakit ano ba ang name mo?
Guy1: Bartolome Putingtae
Guy2: Pangit nga! Ano naman gusto mo ipalit?
Guy1: Bartholomew Putingtae
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Two students were caught naked and having sex in the classroom by the
security guard.
Security Guard: Aha! Violating a school policy!
Male Student: Which policy?
Security Guard: Not wearing uniform.
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Dumadaan ang isang pangit na babae sa grupo ng mga umiinom. Tinukso ng
isang lasing yung girl, "Panget!"
Gumanti yung girl, "Lasenggo!"
Sabi ng lasenggo, "Bukas, hindi na ako lasing. Eh, ikaw?"
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Misis: Sir, pwede ba ako manawagan sa istasyon nyo. Lumayas kasi ang
Mister ko, dala ang limang anak ko.
DJ: Sige po, misis.
Misis: Hoy! Tanga! Isa lang dyan ang anak mo. Ibalik mo yung apat!
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Letter to an OFW:
Thank you sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi baon nya sa school yung
Tobleron. Yung Nike, suot na ni Junior. Pero next time, wag ka na
magpadala ng Nivea Milk. Hindi nila type, mapait daw. Ako tuloy ang
umubos.
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Local beauty pageant.
MC: What can you say about the violence happening in our country today?
Candidate: Koya naman. Getara nga di aku maronong. Bayolens pa?
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GF: Taguan tayo!
BF: Sige ba. Ano premyo ko pag nahanap kita?
GF: Sex tayo?
BF: Wow! Pero paano kung hindi kita mahanap?
GF: Basta! Nasa likod lang ako ng piano?
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Dalawang baliw sa mental.
Baliw1: Pare, tatakas tayo.
Baliw2: Paano?
Baliw1: Aakyat tayo sa bakod. Tapos, tatalon tayo palabas!
Sumilip si Baliw2 sa bintana.
Baliw2: Pare, malas. Hindi tayo makakatakas.
Baliw1: Bakit?
Baliw2: Walang bakod.
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An elephant asks the Camel, "Why do you have your boobs on your back?"
The camel answered, "What a silly question from someone with a big penis
on his face!"

hahahahha galing takas sana kaya langa wala bakod

namintas ang elephant...pinintasan din cya ni camel
buti nga....
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Nagising yta q don ah !
D lng cla naka2tawa bwat liny a!
Nkaka dala talaga!
Baliw talaga gusto tumakas hanap pa bakod huh!
Nanay naman seksi dw ulyanin naman pala!
Hay naku!
Hahaha!
Mgwork muna q

Lakas tawa bwahahahaha