Real friends

Are you tired of those asinine "friendship" poems with decent intentions, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here's a collection of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

Anyone can stand by you when you are right...
but a real friend stands by you when you're wrong.

A simple friend identifies himself when he calls...
a real friend dosen't have to.

A simple friend opens a conversation with a
full news bulletin on his life...
a real friend says "Whats new with you?"

A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are new...
A real friend says
"You've whined about the same thing for years,
get off your duff and do something about it!!

A simple friend had never seen you cry...
a real friend has soggy shoulders from your tears.

A simple friend dosen't know your parents first names...
a real friend has their number in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party...
a real friend comes early to help cook,
and stays late to help clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed...
a real friend asks why you took so long to call?

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems...
a real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history...
a real friend could black mail you with it,
but of course would not!!

A simple friend acts like a guest when visiting...
a real friend helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over after you have an arguement...
a real friend knows it is not a friendship till you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to be there for them...
a real friend expects to always be there for you!!
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A Simple Friend has never seen you cry.
A Real Friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A Simple Friend doesn't know your parent's first names.
A Real Friend has their phone numbers in the address book.
A Simple Friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A Real Friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A Simple Friend hates it when you call after he/she has gone to bed.
A Real Friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A Simple Friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A Real Friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A Simple Friend wonders about your romantic history.
A Real Friend could blackmail you with it.
A Simple Friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A Real Friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A Simple Friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A Real Friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
A Simple Friend expects you to always be there for them.
A Real Friend expects to always be there for you!
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